I often wonder about where the line between what is a strength and what is a weakness lie. Especially of late when my work situation has become very difficult, with staff leaving, global rebranding, etc etc etc. When do you admit you can't take on any more? And shall you admit to it?
My answer to the last question is a resounding YES. Admitting you need help is loving yourself enough to put yourself first. Because not doing so is allowing yourself to drown. I know because I have been allowing myself to drown for years. This surprises a lot of people because they see me as a strong, intelligent person who will defend and protect those dear to me until the end. Everyone except myself that is. I always let myself drown.
During my childhood I was badly bullied at school and have experienced challenges a plenty to now often ask God for a bit of a break. But these challenges have strengthen me, grown my wisdom but also made me doubt myself. And it is especially the last part that is my achilles heal. Yes, i will admit to not having loved myself enough to stop pleasing others in sacrifice of my own worth and wellbeing.
I have pleased, run around in circles, burned myself out several times AND STILL I continued. Often a line came into my mind "For those who give me nothing I give everything and for those who give me everything I give nothing". I always knew exactly what this meant but still I continued over and over again, for years and years. Because I wrongly thought that saying you can't do it and can't cope was a weakness. I could not have been more wrong. It is the ultimate strength.
So it was hesitantly and proudly I last night and this morning admitted to having completely flunked projects because I had too much on and asking for someone else to take them over. Was I afraid of the response? Yes, definately. Was the response what I thought it would be? No, but I still wonder what the feedback will be down the line and if it will affect my career. Will I care? I want to say a resounding NO here, but I hope that I will grow to fully feel it because this answer is deeply connected to loving myself completely.
An acquiantance of mine wrote to me that it is ME that matter. And that is the full honest truth. It is myself that matter the most because if I am not loving myself to the utmost of my ability, how can I then fully love another? It is like when you are sitting on the airplane and the stewardess says prior to departure for you to put your own mask on before you assist another. So identical, but why is one easier then the other? I guess it has to do with our society wrongly confusing loving yourself with being egoistic. The love I am talking about is loving yourself selflessly without materialistic or ulterior motives, and with a pure heart.
So I am to congratulate myself at this small step of strength. Feels good to have said "cant take on any more". Loving ourselves is difficult at times but we are all human and nothing is more important then your own wellbeing.
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